who & why

Sitting in a chair, I was attending Shelter Our Sisters training program. Clips and testimonies, one after the other, played on the television screen. Sometimes I couldn’t look at the screen. Sometimes I tried to block out the audio of the recordings. The acts were harsh, the words were vile, and the people were real. I realized sitting in that chair that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those I encountered at the shelter.

The video gave me a glimpse of the world these women and children had to wake up to every morning before they came to the shelter. I didn’t know what it was like to fear the people in my house. These women had been walking on eggshells for too long and their children were definitely affected. The mental and physical abuse people suffered were flashing across the screen as I sat in training and I couldn’t handle it.

Later, I was assigned a paper to write for AP Psychology. I decided to research the effect of neglect on children. I found myself sitting in front of a monitor reading the symptoms, going down the lists. I saw these symptoms every week. I saw them in the children I took care of as a part of my internship. I could only imagine what had happened to the mothers that left their children in my care each week.

But this suffering was not isolated to the shelter. It was the people that I encountered in school, at church, on the job. That was when I realized who God has called me to minister to.  My heart reaches out to people who suffer. I realize of course that everyone on this earth suffers so I’ve got my work cut out for me.

More specifically though, I want to help those who suffer because of poor relationships, whether it’s with parents, children, or spouses. I myself have suffered and have fallen into depression because of my relationships with certain individuals. However, God has healed me in many ways.

In Isaiah 61 it says, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.” This is my calling. God bound up my broken heart and because of that I can testify that He does heal, that there is fulfillment in His love.

I also know that God can forgive all sins and that you don’t have to let your past define who you will be for the rest of your life. God makes all things new. I know many who feel as though they have gone too far, or too long to change into anything else.

It is those people who have let suffering and the lies of the devil keep them where they are. I want to impact those lives. I want God to bind up their broken hears as well. I have made decisions that had at first condemned me, but knowing that all plays a part in the grand scheme of life has taken away my regret. I know that I will be able to relate to more people and impact more lives because of my past. All of heaven rejoices when one soul is won to the Lord so I say all my pain and suffering is worth it. I will rejoice along with all of heaven.