who & why

Sitting in a chair, I was attending Shelter Our Sisters training program. Clips and testimonies, one after the other, played on the television screen. Sometimes I couldn’t look at the screen. Sometimes I tried to block out the audio of the recordings. The acts were harsh, the words were vile, and the people were real. I realized sitting in that chair that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those I encountered at the shelter.

The video gave me a glimpse of the world these women and children had to wake up to every morning before they came to the shelter. I didn’t know what it was like to fear the people in my house. These women had been walking on eggshells for too long and their children were definitely affected. The mental and physical abuse people suffered were flashing across the screen as I sat in training and I couldn’t handle it.

Later, I was assigned a paper to write for AP Psychology. I decided to research the effect of neglect on children. I found myself sitting in front of a monitor reading the symptoms, going down the lists. I saw these symptoms every week. I saw them in the children I took care of as a part of my internship. I could only imagine what had happened to the mothers that left their children in my care each week.

But this suffering was not isolated to the shelter. It was the people that I encountered in school, at church, on the job. That was when I realized who God has called me to minister to.  My heart reaches out to people who suffer. I realize of course that everyone on this earth suffers so I’ve got my work cut out for me.

More specifically though, I want to help those who suffer because of poor relationships, whether it’s with parents, children, or spouses. I myself have suffered and have fallen into depression because of my relationships with certain individuals. However, God has healed me in many ways.

In Isaiah 61 it says, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.” This is my calling. God bound up my broken heart and because of that I can testify that He does heal, that there is fulfillment in His love.

I also know that God can forgive all sins and that you don’t have to let your past define who you will be for the rest of your life. God makes all things new. I know many who feel as though they have gone too far, or too long to change into anything else.

It is those people who have let suffering and the lies of the devil keep them where they are. I want to impact those lives. I want God to bind up their broken hears as well. I have made decisions that had at first condemned me, but knowing that all plays a part in the grand scheme of life has taken away my regret. I know that I will be able to relate to more people and impact more lives because of my past. All of heaven rejoices when one soul is won to the Lord so I say all my pain and suffering is worth it. I will rejoice along with all of heaven.

on the road again

Days like these I feel as though I had A.D.D. My mind is going 100 mph and it's difficult to stay in the same lane. I lean towards the left and ride on the line then I lean on the right and do the same. How do you stay in the center? If only in life we had cruise control.

So here I am, driving down the road of life. Sometimes I feel like a weary traveler. I've come a long way and I want to just reach my destination already. Isn't there a point when it gets easy? When will the attacks from Satan cease?

I mean I have to realize that in Christ there is victory. Why is the devil so stupid? I mean he knows the Bible back and forth. Doesn't he know that what he's doing is all in vain? So I am on the winning side. I am on the right lane. But why does the devil need to constantly bombard me with attacks and temptations. There is no use.

I have eternal life. There is nothing he can do to take that away from me. Yet, he continuously tries to make me veer off my lane. I swerve and speed and I feel as though the car has a mind of its own.

Aren't I getting any closer to my destination? What is my destination? I am a weary traveler seeking direction. I have come so far. God has answered so many of my questions, but with every answer come even more questions.

God carries me through each step and I know He is faithful in guiding me. But that's it. I only see the step in front of me, but down the road is clouded with the unknown. There will always be the unknown. God can give me revelations, but I will never know the final outcome.

I suppose that is for the best. Because although I am weary I do love to sight see. The road of life is unexpected. You never know when there'll be traffic, or an accident, or a smooth, open road. Sometimes I get discouraged with the things and thoughts I face each day, but what is life without surprises?

I know that one day I will reach my destination, but until that day I can be content in the things I do have. I can find happiness and encouragement in the things I see along the way. I just need to stay focused and continue driving down the lane of life. And I'll be sure to stay within His speed limits.

the end of the beginning

Easter Sunday. My youth pastor sang the song End of the Beginning during the offering. It was my first time hearing it and it really ministered to me. Here are the lyrics:

I was takin a trip on a plane the other day just wishing that I could get out.
When the man next to me saw the book in my hand
and asked me what it was about.


So I settled back in my seat-
"A best seller," I said.
"A history, a mystery in one."
And then I opened up the book and began to read
from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.


He was born of a virgin one holy night
in the little town of Bethlehem.
Angels gathered round him underneath the stars
singing praises to the great I Am.
He walked on the water, healed the lame and made the blind to see again.


And for the first time here on earth we learned that God could be a friend.
And though he never ever did a single thing wrong
the angry crowd chose him. And then he walked down the road
and died on the cross and that was the end of the beginning.


"Thats not a new book thats a bible," he said, "and I've heard it all before.
I've tried religion- its shame and guilt and I dont need it anymore.
It's superstition, made up tales and just to help the weak to survive."
"Let me read it again," I said, "listen closely, cuz this is gonna change your life.


"The end of the beginning," he said with a smile.
"What more could there be? He's dead.
You said they hung him, put nails in His hands
and a crown of thorns on His head."


I said, "I'll read it again but this time there's more,
and I believe that this is true.
His death wasn't the end, the beginning of life
that's completed in you.
Don't you see he did all this for you!"


He was born of a virgin one holy night
in the little town of Bethlehem
All the angles singing praises to the great I AM
He walked on the water, healed the lame,
and made the blind to see
(and for the first time here on earth)


Did you know that God could be a friend.
Tho He never ever did a single thing wrong,
He was the one the crowd chose.
then he walked and he died but


three days later (3x) HE ROSE!!!!!!!!


Three days later he rose!
You see he came, he lived, and he died.
But that was the end of the beginning.

This song to me just hit the nail on the head. I pray God gives me opportunities to present Him to people. I want to present God to those people who have misunderstood it. Sadly, there are many who are misguided by "Christians" who are judgemental and religious. Let's have relationships.

That is what God wants. He wants us to have a true and growing relationship with Him. That is why He sent His son. His son died on a cross so that we could have the option of being in God's presence. Without Christ we were all condemned. We were the living dead, just existing. Existing, because it's not until you have a relationship with God that you truly are living.

When Christ died it was the end of the beginning. We are new creations in Him. Our old lives ended. And this is the beginning of our lives. This sense of freshness is wonderful. We can rejoice because Christ has risen and we are made new. What a miraculous thing God did for love.

in rememberance

For those who don't know this week is Holy week. Today is Good Friday. This is the day that my Lord and Savior died at Calvary on a cross. This is a week of rememberance of what happened so long ago.

Yesterday I went to see the Passion play at Felician College with my mom. It was amazing. Each song ministered to me in a different way and this past weekend my church had their own Easter musical, Amazing Love. Through these plays God has shown me over and over again exactly what He did for me.

What is truly amazing is how something that happened so long ago is still making such a tremendous impact on lives in the present day. Jesus died for the death that I deserved. He was the spotless lamb that would be sacrificed for the sin of all. The "sin of all" doesn't even sound as big as it really is. All sin. He died for the sin of the past, present, and future. If you ask me that is some pretty serious stuff. When God does something He goes all out.

God knew from the very beginning that we would need a Savior and that a price would be paid. I can rest assured that God doesn't look for easy fix-its, but He sees everything through. Everything is to God's best and God's best is the best.

As I remember what Jesus Christ did, I feel humbled to know that God remembers me. He knows exactly where I'm at and where I'm going. He knows me like the back of His hand. He knows me better than I know myself.

God is great. He's massive. It's strange to think of why He even cares about me? Why does He care about you? Do you know? I mean when someone comes up to you on the subway and tells you, "Jesus loves you," do you really think about what that stranger just said? Jesus loves me. He loves you. 

He is holy, set apart. If God was some merciless, cruel God He would have stayed set apart. But He didn't. He wanted that relationship with us. He did what He had to do so that we could be in His presence. If the wars, power struggles, and greed didn't tell you I will. The human race isn't all that and a bag of chips. Yet, God wants to spend eternity with us. As someone told me, "God loves you so much He would rather die than not be with you."

So do you know this God who knows you so well? Do you know of His love? Do you want to? He suffered so that you wouldn't. His love. That is what Good Friday is about. Love.

If you want to know more or have questions about this God that loves you so much message me or leave a comment. I'd love to talk. God bless you and do everything in rememberance of him.