i won't grow up

Don't you wish sometimes that you could freeze time or atleast make it go by slower? Well, I have what I call "Peter Pan Syndrome." It's where you refuse to grow up and live in a dream world where you can always stay a child. As kids, then teenagers we are in a constant desire to be treated like adults and do all these grown up things, but do we really know what we're asking for?


Like my mom says, " You want all the benefits of being an adult with none of the responsibility." I remember back in the day when all I had to worry about was tracing letters, coloring in the lines, and taking turns when it came to playing with toys. Life was simple. Everyday was an adventure and you never knew what to expect. As a child you can use your imagination and adults will applause you for being so creative. You see a world full of color.


Do you know what happens when you become an adult? The world becomes black and white. When using your imagination you're told to live in "the real world" and grow up. You need to study something that will help you get a stable job. "Hey, maybe you should major in business and accounting." Growing up is scary. I miss how simple life used to be. Soon enough I will have to worry about how the market is to buy a house.


If you asked me to descirbe the life of an adult in one word I would say, "Busy." What is wrong with spending time to stop and smell the roses? Smelling roses doesn't do anything to further our agendas and check that box on our To Do lists. Time flies when you're doing something constantly.


Even as Christians we can get so wound up in "doing stuff." We no longer have that child-like innocense of our youth nor the time to just sit around and talk to God. No, we're adults and have the maturity to solve our own problems. We use logic instead of imagination. How many times do we get sick and our first instinct is to schedule an appointment with the doctor? A child would ask, " If God can do miracles could He take my cold away?" Why don't we ask God to help us in the simple things like the common cold? It's because we're adults. You need to assume responsibility for everything. Grow up.


What happened to us? We grew up. We sucked the color out of the vibrant, exciting world that God created. We no longer really trust in God or let Him in our imagination. Jesus said it simply. We are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. However, we choose to complicate things with daily mundane tasks that we must do so that we can have a stable lifestyle.


God told me to become an artist. Do you know how many people ask me how I'm going to support myself with that "profession"? Or how many people say that drawing is "nice" but this is "the real world"? I miss being a child, when the possibilities are endless. I think adults really got the short end of the stick. Don't sell out or let life fly past you. Don't grow up.

please tolerate my intolerance

All you hear in this country is, "That's not politically correct." There is a new gospel that is being preached throughout the land and it's called tolerance. Schools are teaching that we must tolerate everyone. Does tolerance cover everything?

Isn't there a line that needs to be drawn?
We, as a nation, have come a long way. We used to have prayer in schools, STDs' weren't an epidemic, kids grew up with both parents in the house, and girls actually wore clothes that covered their bodies. Is it wrong for me to wish things would be like that now? I suppose I should tolerate this downwards spiral we seem to be going in.

LGBT clubs are springing up all over the school system yet how many students are denied the right to pray in God's name around a flagpole? We congratulate those who speak out and come out of the closet yet those who say, "I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins," are told to shut up and to leave their religion back home. People sneeze and get offended when someone says, "God bless you," as if you personally attacked their right to beleive something else. Okay, I don't say, "that's gay," or tell someone that they're acting "so gay," but is there a law restricting me from saying "God bless you" when someone sneezes?

I was sitting in my literature class one day and we were discussing the 2008 presidential candidates. The discussion lead to the qualifications of the vice presidential candidates. One young man raised his hand to speak and said, "Sarah Palin doesn't believe in evolution. I can't even take her seriously." Does that mean since I don't believe in evolution I will never be taken seriously? Isn't that prejudice against me because of my beliefs? If you said, "Oh, she's a lesbian. I can't even take her seriously," you would be facing some serious charges and be labeled a homophobe.

Everyone says to celebrate our differences and speak your mind, but who really means it? This world is full of people who want to be unique and stand out without standing up. Anyone who actually stands up for what they believe in are labeled extremists. My problem with tolerance is that it's a lie. It's a big, fat lie.

If everyone really tolerated than eHarmony wouldn't have gotten sued for not having options like "Male seeking Male." Christians with Christian businesses that are founded on Christian values should not be scared into or forced to change to follow what everyone else is doing. Just like there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are plenty of dating services online.

The documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed depicts just how "tolerant" people are to different beliefs. The film's description says, "Ben Stein (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) travels the world on his quest, and learns an awe-inspiring truth … that educators and scientists are being ridiculed, denied tenure and even fired – for the crime of merely believing that there might be evidence of design in nature, and that perhaps life is not just the result of accidental, random chance." Check out the film.

I guess this topic will be continued later on. Let's see how things play out in the future and if people are really tolerating everyone. Feel free to comment and let me know what you think, whether you agree or not. Until later, God bless.

photography scavenger hunt

(BROKEN = The shed we call a garage in the backyard is the epitome of brokenness.)

(COFFEE = Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks have nothing on Bustelo.)

(DATE = Ice cream is so good to me.)

(DREAM = My dream is to spend my life drawing for God's glory and I know it will come true.)

(FEAR = I'm afraid my hands will never get better or even get worse.)

(FIRE TRUCK = "Hold on! She's getting ready.")

(FUNNY = This is my little brother for the most part of the day.)

 

(GREEN = April showers bring May flowers, except it's June.)

 

(JOURNEY = Every journey begins with walking through the door.)

(LEAP = The only thing he's afraid of is discipline.)

(LOVE = I love to laugh and make others laugh.)

 

(MEMORY = I remember the day I moved into my house when I was four years old and an only child.)

  

(MUSIC = I love the oldies.)

  

(PASSION = God created this world with so many colors and I will use them in my art.)

(REFLECTIONS = I love how things look different depending on what they're reflected on.)

(SELF PORTRAIT = I like seeing things in a different perspective.)

(SHOE = I occasionally put these on my feet.)

(STAPLER = There's never a stapler when you need one, and for some reason staples remind me of a subway station.)

(STATEMENT = The Lord is my Rock and I need to always remember that.)

(TIME = We can't turn back time and sometimes we just miss the opportunity, but God will always give us a second chance.)

(TOOL = Visual kids can never leave home without their flashdrives)

(WEATHER = There is nothing like summer rain.)

matchmaker, matchmaker

There is one movie that has taught me more lessons about life and my relationship with God than any other movie. You might think it’s a movie like The Passion of the Christ or the movie Jesus, but surprisingly no. The movie I’m referring to is Fiddler on the Roof. I feel misunderstood when I mention this fact. Fiddler on the Roof is the most watched, quoted, and loved film in my family down to my three year old brother.

One of the film’s most iconic songs, Matchmaker, is comic but makes me think of my own search for a match. Before the song begins, Hodel mentions that, “somebody has to arrange the matches. Young people can't decide these things themselves.” She brings up a pretty good point. I used to think that I knew what was best for me, especially when it came to guys. Let’s face it. Teenagers are changing their mind constantly. They like one thing one day and hate it the next. With such instability and attention deficit, how could I trust myself to make a decision that would last the rest of my life?

When it comes to being in a relationship with a guy two ways come to mind, the easy way and the hard way. I’ve dated before. Let’s just say that was the hard way. That was one roller coaster ride whose ticket cost way too much. I liked a guy, he liked me and we started dating. I didn’t consult my parents. They weren’t dating him so why should they be a part of it? I realized later on that following their counsel and actually having their blessing on the relationship would be much easier and less dramatic.

Tevye’s daughters sing, “For papa, make him a scholar. For mama, make him rich as a king.” Personally these aren’t on my Must Have list, but I definitely see the importance of seeking characteristics in a match that your parents value. If your parents only want the best for you of course their standards for a match will be high and admirable.

There’s a part in the song where Chava sings, “You know that I'm still very young. Please, take your time.” Then, Hodel sings, “Up to this minute, I misunderstood that I could get stuck for good.” Looking back on my life when I was dating I can pinpoint mistakes that I would definitely not have done if I had been following my parents’ guidance and asked for a courtship. Many people who date around looking for their soul mate end up making mistakes that affect the rest of their lives. They get “stuck for good.” I’m young and have a lot to offer the world before I get married and have children. When you do things in a rush it shows. Is that how I want my relationship to look like, a rush?

The girls sing, “Dear Yenta, see that he's gentle. Remember, you were also a bride.” I have had to nurse girls’ hearts countless time after some drama involving a guy. If you have a friend who’s been dating around and never having a successful relationship, would you think it’s wise to get advice on relationships from her?

Our “matchmakers”, our parents, know what a healthy relationship needs. They remember when they decided to get married. They want us to learn from their mistakes. Courtship allows me to allow them to evaluate a potential suitor. They can take into account all they remember from when they were a bride and groom and assess each situation.

Close to the end of the song the girls jump on the bed and sing, “Matchmaker, matchmaker, plan me no plans. I'm in no rush. Maybe I've learned, playing with matches
a girl can get burned.” That statement is my testimony. I’ve done the whole dating thing and I believe that courtship is a definite improvement. Dating left me burned. I played around with people’s hearts and was confused and overwhelmed by different emotions.

Thankfully, God healed my wounds left by ex-boyfriends, but I still have the scars. I have learned my lesson. I’m not in any rush to settle down with a guy and be married. My priorities lie in the things God wants to do through me. It has to be all in His timing and with the guidance of those God has placed in my life maybe eventually I will have a match. That match won’t be perfect, but it will be perfect for me and that match will light a fire that will last until death do us part.

who & why

Sitting in a chair, I was attending Shelter Our Sisters training program. Clips and testimonies, one after the other, played on the television screen. Sometimes I couldn’t look at the screen. Sometimes I tried to block out the audio of the recordings. The acts were harsh, the words were vile, and the people were real. I realized sitting in that chair that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of those I encountered at the shelter.

The video gave me a glimpse of the world these women and children had to wake up to every morning before they came to the shelter. I didn’t know what it was like to fear the people in my house. These women had been walking on eggshells for too long and their children were definitely affected. The mental and physical abuse people suffered were flashing across the screen as I sat in training and I couldn’t handle it.

Later, I was assigned a paper to write for AP Psychology. I decided to research the effect of neglect on children. I found myself sitting in front of a monitor reading the symptoms, going down the lists. I saw these symptoms every week. I saw them in the children I took care of as a part of my internship. I could only imagine what had happened to the mothers that left their children in my care each week.

But this suffering was not isolated to the shelter. It was the people that I encountered in school, at church, on the job. That was when I realized who God has called me to minister to.  My heart reaches out to people who suffer. I realize of course that everyone on this earth suffers so I’ve got my work cut out for me.

More specifically though, I want to help those who suffer because of poor relationships, whether it’s with parents, children, or spouses. I myself have suffered and have fallen into depression because of my relationships with certain individuals. However, God has healed me in many ways.

In Isaiah 61 it says, “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted.” This is my calling. God bound up my broken heart and because of that I can testify that He does heal, that there is fulfillment in His love.

I also know that God can forgive all sins and that you don’t have to let your past define who you will be for the rest of your life. God makes all things new. I know many who feel as though they have gone too far, or too long to change into anything else.

It is those people who have let suffering and the lies of the devil keep them where they are. I want to impact those lives. I want God to bind up their broken hears as well. I have made decisions that had at first condemned me, but knowing that all plays a part in the grand scheme of life has taken away my regret. I know that I will be able to relate to more people and impact more lives because of my past. All of heaven rejoices when one soul is won to the Lord so I say all my pain and suffering is worth it. I will rejoice along with all of heaven.

on the road again

Days like these I feel as though I had A.D.D. My mind is going 100 mph and it's difficult to stay in the same lane. I lean towards the left and ride on the line then I lean on the right and do the same. How do you stay in the center? If only in life we had cruise control.

So here I am, driving down the road of life. Sometimes I feel like a weary traveler. I've come a long way and I want to just reach my destination already. Isn't there a point when it gets easy? When will the attacks from Satan cease?

I mean I have to realize that in Christ there is victory. Why is the devil so stupid? I mean he knows the Bible back and forth. Doesn't he know that what he's doing is all in vain? So I am on the winning side. I am on the right lane. But why does the devil need to constantly bombard me with attacks and temptations. There is no use.

I have eternal life. There is nothing he can do to take that away from me. Yet, he continuously tries to make me veer off my lane. I swerve and speed and I feel as though the car has a mind of its own.

Aren't I getting any closer to my destination? What is my destination? I am a weary traveler seeking direction. I have come so far. God has answered so many of my questions, but with every answer come even more questions.

God carries me through each step and I know He is faithful in guiding me. But that's it. I only see the step in front of me, but down the road is clouded with the unknown. There will always be the unknown. God can give me revelations, but I will never know the final outcome.

I suppose that is for the best. Because although I am weary I do love to sight see. The road of life is unexpected. You never know when there'll be traffic, or an accident, or a smooth, open road. Sometimes I get discouraged with the things and thoughts I face each day, but what is life without surprises?

I know that one day I will reach my destination, but until that day I can be content in the things I do have. I can find happiness and encouragement in the things I see along the way. I just need to stay focused and continue driving down the lane of life. And I'll be sure to stay within His speed limits.

the end of the beginning

Easter Sunday. My youth pastor sang the song End of the Beginning during the offering. It was my first time hearing it and it really ministered to me. Here are the lyrics:

I was takin a trip on a plane the other day just wishing that I could get out.
When the man next to me saw the book in my hand
and asked me what it was about.


So I settled back in my seat-
"A best seller," I said.
"A history, a mystery in one."
And then I opened up the book and began to read
from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.


He was born of a virgin one holy night
in the little town of Bethlehem.
Angels gathered round him underneath the stars
singing praises to the great I Am.
He walked on the water, healed the lame and made the blind to see again.


And for the first time here on earth we learned that God could be a friend.
And though he never ever did a single thing wrong
the angry crowd chose him. And then he walked down the road
and died on the cross and that was the end of the beginning.


"Thats not a new book thats a bible," he said, "and I've heard it all before.
I've tried religion- its shame and guilt and I dont need it anymore.
It's superstition, made up tales and just to help the weak to survive."
"Let me read it again," I said, "listen closely, cuz this is gonna change your life.


"The end of the beginning," he said with a smile.
"What more could there be? He's dead.
You said they hung him, put nails in His hands
and a crown of thorns on His head."


I said, "I'll read it again but this time there's more,
and I believe that this is true.
His death wasn't the end, the beginning of life
that's completed in you.
Don't you see he did all this for you!"


He was born of a virgin one holy night
in the little town of Bethlehem
All the angles singing praises to the great I AM
He walked on the water, healed the lame,
and made the blind to see
(and for the first time here on earth)


Did you know that God could be a friend.
Tho He never ever did a single thing wrong,
He was the one the crowd chose.
then he walked and he died but


three days later (3x) HE ROSE!!!!!!!!


Three days later he rose!
You see he came, he lived, and he died.
But that was the end of the beginning.

This song to me just hit the nail on the head. I pray God gives me opportunities to present Him to people. I want to present God to those people who have misunderstood it. Sadly, there are many who are misguided by "Christians" who are judgemental and religious. Let's have relationships.

That is what God wants. He wants us to have a true and growing relationship with Him. That is why He sent His son. His son died on a cross so that we could have the option of being in God's presence. Without Christ we were all condemned. We were the living dead, just existing. Existing, because it's not until you have a relationship with God that you truly are living.

When Christ died it was the end of the beginning. We are new creations in Him. Our old lives ended. And this is the beginning of our lives. This sense of freshness is wonderful. We can rejoice because Christ has risen and we are made new. What a miraculous thing God did for love.

in rememberance

For those who don't know this week is Holy week. Today is Good Friday. This is the day that my Lord and Savior died at Calvary on a cross. This is a week of rememberance of what happened so long ago.

Yesterday I went to see the Passion play at Felician College with my mom. It was amazing. Each song ministered to me in a different way and this past weekend my church had their own Easter musical, Amazing Love. Through these plays God has shown me over and over again exactly what He did for me.

What is truly amazing is how something that happened so long ago is still making such a tremendous impact on lives in the present day. Jesus died for the death that I deserved. He was the spotless lamb that would be sacrificed for the sin of all. The "sin of all" doesn't even sound as big as it really is. All sin. He died for the sin of the past, present, and future. If you ask me that is some pretty serious stuff. When God does something He goes all out.

God knew from the very beginning that we would need a Savior and that a price would be paid. I can rest assured that God doesn't look for easy fix-its, but He sees everything through. Everything is to God's best and God's best is the best.

As I remember what Jesus Christ did, I feel humbled to know that God remembers me. He knows exactly where I'm at and where I'm going. He knows me like the back of His hand. He knows me better than I know myself.

God is great. He's massive. It's strange to think of why He even cares about me? Why does He care about you? Do you know? I mean when someone comes up to you on the subway and tells you, "Jesus loves you," do you really think about what that stranger just said? Jesus loves me. He loves you. 

He is holy, set apart. If God was some merciless, cruel God He would have stayed set apart. But He didn't. He wanted that relationship with us. He did what He had to do so that we could be in His presence. If the wars, power struggles, and greed didn't tell you I will. The human race isn't all that and a bag of chips. Yet, God wants to spend eternity with us. As someone told me, "God loves you so much He would rather die than not be with you."

So do you know this God who knows you so well? Do you know of His love? Do you want to? He suffered so that you wouldn't. His love. That is what Good Friday is about. Love.

If you want to know more or have questions about this God that loves you so much message me or leave a comment. I'd love to talk. God bless you and do everything in rememberance of him.

eyes on the back of my head

The Accuser. That's who the devil is. Now, I am a new creation through Christ Jesus. Sometimes I think it is too bad that my "old creation" memories don't get washed in the blood aswell.

I have a past. That past is full of people and things. I have confessed my past to my parents and I don't feel like I'm living dual lives anymore. But still, when I come across someone from my past memories begin to flood in.

I know that my past makes me who I am today and helps me make decisions to become who I will be in the future. However, some things just pain me to think about. Certain people remind me of such sinful things I thought and did. My dilemma: Am I overreacting or is it normal that I want to avoid these people at all costs?

Satan attacks constantly bringing up memories and it's hard to not dwell on the past. But in order to not bring up the memories I need to avoid contact with people that are a part of that. I know it's impossible, but I can try, right? And I don't have the heart to tell someone I don't want to talk to them anymore.

I'm not a mean person. I just get this feeling. It's like self-preservation. I just don't know. I need to continuously pray for discernment. I have to be able to discern what is coming from my flesh and what is the Holy Spirit's prompting.

All I know is that I can't fall for the Devil's tricks again. The battle begins in the mind and I intend to put up a fight. I won't allow my fleshly thoughts to continue. It is just too easy to fall back into what I was. I know who God wants me to be. I won't be who I was. I am new.

prosperity, pain, and you

Do you know what depresses me? My Sister's Keeper. That movie was sad, but probably not for the reason's you are thinking. I mean it's sad to see how cancer can affect a family, but what's sadder is the way they portrayed life and death.

There are people who think that believing in God is stupid and unnecessary. Does believing in God benefit life? Many people would scoff at the thought of a sovereign God. Watching My Sister's Keeper gave me an insight to the world's mentality. It was bleak.

The movie opens with Anna Fitzgerald saying,"most babies are coincidences... the truth is that most babies are products of drunken evenings and lack of birth control. they're accidents."

How does having this belief affect one's perspective in life? To the world everything is a purposeless accident. Someone can do something and not think anything of the consequences.

It gets me thinking relative truths. Murder is okay and praying is offensive. This is a depressing world we live in. In My Sister's Keeper, Kate Fitzgerald is in a hospital dying of cancer and what do her relatives have to say to her? One aunt talked about how she heard about someone commanding her cancer cells to "be gone" and she was supposedly healed.

Believing in God doesn't mean everything in hunky dory. It doesn't mean that life is all of a sudden an episode of Leave It to Beaver. And it is not a sense of false hope to be held onto.

I felt that telling Kate to command her cancer cells to "be gone" is cruel. Guaranteeing a miraculous healing is pretty heartless if you ask me. She's going to die. False hope doesn't make anything easier. True hope does.

Now, there are those who buy into the prosperity gospel, where as long as you're a "good Christian" God won't let any horrible things happen to you because He only wants to bless you. If you are one of these people please feel free to contact me about it.

God tells us that we will have tribulations in this world,but be of good cheer because He has overcome the world. Did he promise happiness? First of all God is more concerned with your holiness than your happiness. However, He does promise the victory. God already won the war. So whatever Job-like difficulties you're going through don't let Satan trick you into cursing God.

A woman once gave me the analogy of a popular television show, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. A family gets their house practically rebuilt and redesigned with them in mind. At the end of the episode they get to see their dream home come to reality. There's a catch. To be eligible for the home makeover, these families have had to have a tragic loss in their lives, a disabled family member, made a personal sacrifice of some sort, etc.

You see they can't have the good without the bad. As Christians, we can hold on to the victory we have in Christ. Many have had to go through the bad, but not without some good. Looking back everyone knows that it's your past and the decisions you make that make the person standing today.

Every step counts and every move has a reason. Each of us are created with purpose. Whether we live out that purpose or not is completely up to us. We can live knowing we can bring some good into the world with God in us. We can also die knowing that God can bring even more good into the world. That is how I want to live... and die.

In My Sister's Keeper, Kate had no promise. She didn't know about true hope or the victory found in Christ. She died. Anna Fitzgerald ended the movie talking about how no good came of her death. The world didn't care. Life didn't matter. I watched and heard this. I cried. The movie, to me, was sad on a completely deeper level. To understand how the world thinks. Depressing.

I guess you can read this and figure out where you stand. We were created with a free will. How do you want see the world around you? With false hope, no hope, or the true hope? You decide.

was that an earthquake... or did God just rock my world?

This past weekend was the 2010 north sectional [jersey] youth advance. I am still in awe of the events that occurred these past 3 days. I will never doubt that God can use the youth of America. The way his power manifested through 120 students gathered in a room is something that will never escape my memory. I had the privilege to witness it all as one of the leaders.

Gerritt and Tara Kenyon, missionaries to the youth of Panama, were our guest speakers for the weekend. Friday night was the beginning of our lives. Gerrit spoke. We were challenged us to check our baggage. You see, so many times in life instead of giving our burdens and sins over to God we carry it around with us like a chip on our shoulder. He presented Jesus as a counteragent in an airport. We bring our baggage and check it in at the counter, but the difference is with Jesus we only check it once. That's all we need to do, except for some masochistic reason we take our baggage back and continue as we were. We walk around with this heavy heart.

Jesus said, "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." [Matthew 11:30] God knew He was going to send His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross. He knew that Jesus was going to pay the price and carry the burden before He created us. That is why our bodies were not meant to carry the weight that we put on ourselves. We have to give it all to God and let him carry it. He wants to.

At the end of the night Gerrit had the students come up to the altar and pick up a blank sheet of paper. On it they were supposed to write all the things they were carrying around as baggage. I saw teenagers weeping, praying, writing the burdens of their heart on paper. Afterwards, all the papers were tossed inside a luggage case. BAM. The luggage case was closed shut. It was checked at the altar and no one could take it back.

Saturday morning. Sin. Pain. Tara talked about the vicious cycle that escalates to the point where people just give up. Looking back I can pinpoint the times of my life where pain that I refused to deal with lead me to sin. And that sin caused my heart to grieve and my depression to fall deeper. She told us that Jesus doesn't tell us to not sin because He wants to be mean and restrict us. But because He knows that sin only causes pain and He wants to save us the heartache.

She went on to talk about God's plan for our lives. She said that as Christians we always have plan A. I was encouraged by all the testimonies I heard of people who were called to be pastors or missionaries as children then walked away from the faith. They came back to a relationship with Jesus, restoration began, and now are serving all over the world to further the kingdom of God. Tara described how she grew up with fear that if she had screwed up once then she would have to live with Plan B for the rest of her life.

That is definitely how I thought. Before I lived with what ifs and thinking about how I could never achieve the best that God wanted for me because of my past sins. But thankfully, I cannot work to get God's favor. Through grace, I can live knowing that God has called me and I will go where He needs me to go. I will always have Plan A with Christ.

Gerrit spoke to us again Saturday night. Everything I learned was building up to this night. He said, "When friends remind you of your past you remind them of your future." Our lives began that night.

He prayed and began to say some things that were prophetic. Pretty cool. Then, he said that God had a call for everyone. He had a plan for each and every life. Gerrit said that although he was being prophetic, surprisingly, he was not going to be the one to pray over us. We were going to pray over each other. We were going to ask God what His call for our life was. If we weren't praying for ourselves we were praying for others. "But before you go up to the altar you need to check all your plans and dreams at your seats." We had to be completely open to what God had to say to us.

Although a leader, I started praying for myself. God told me to not fall back on Plan B, becoming an art therapist. He told me that I was going to touch more lives through my art than I ever would as a therapist. He also told me that since I wouldn't have a steady income I had to rely on Him for provisions. Great. Fortune was not in my future, but I was alright with that. I accepted it and I felt encouraged to seek Him further.

I saw this girl sitting on the floor so I began to ask the Holy Spirit for something to say to this girl. He told me that she was going to be a mother. I began to think about all the things I learned at Advanced EXCEL about how powerful being a mother is. So I walked up to her and prayed over her telling her that she was going to give birth to children and raise them up to be instruments in the hands of God.

I prayed that she wouldn't let depression and loneliness discourage her from the plans God had for her and that God would strengthen her to be the woman He has called her to be. After praying for a while, I asked her if that sounded right and she said yes.

That was encouraging to me so I stood up and began praying over the students as a whole. God started pointing out people. One girl was going to do something in music, which was later confirmed to me. Then, God told me to pray for this girl that I saw at the altar. I saw her as an inspirational speaker to teenagers. Awesome. She was praying with two other girls so I decided to wait a while to approach her.

I felt a tug in my thoughts. I needed to pray for this girl who I didn't know. I was glad to because I wanted to see if I would be right since I didn't have any preconceived ideas about her or knew what she liked. Another woman was praying over her so I closed my eyes and began to pray from a distance. Doctor. I don't even know if she likes that stuff. What kind of doctor? She's going to work at a pregnancy center. The woman had finished and had left the girl.

I walked over to her. "Has God told you anything?" She said, "The lady who prayed over me said that I was going to be a healer of nations, but she didn't know what that meant." Crazy. I told her that God had told me that she was going to be a doctor working with pregnant women. I asked her if I could pray with her and she said
yes. We introduced ourselves.

As I began to pray about her being an instrument in the hands of the Master Healer, God began to tell me personal things. He said she was shy so I asked God to give her the confidence to speak when she needed to speak up and that He would give her the words to say.
Then he said that she had a bad relationship with her parents. I began to tell her in prayer that when she returned home she needed to confess past sins to her parents. God would restore that relationship. She began to shake in my hands. She was crying. Oh my word.

I continued praying saying that her parents would guide her and support her in her walk with God. I prayed that her parents would be wise counselors in her life and that they would have a good relationship. It was crazy how on point I was in my prayer. As I closed, she looked up with wet, red eyes. We hugged each other and she thanked me.

I left her and saw the girl at the altar was done praying so I walked up to her. "Has God told you anything?" She said that she felt that she was called to missions. Cool. I told her that I saw her traveling being an inspirational speaker to teenagers. "Awesome!" She was totally excited about what God had for her.

I continued to walk around praying over the students when God pointed out one of the girls in junior high. She's small and a friend of my younger sister, Emily. I closed my eyes. What do you have for her? Construction Worker. Ha, that must be wrong. The girl doesn't look like she can carry much. What do you mean? She will build churches in India. Oh.

I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if God had told her anything. "I feel called to be a missionary." I told her what God told me. She responded, "That could work!"

Amazing. I have never been a part of anything like this. It was the most amazing experience ever. Those who attended can never forget that night. We left knowing that we can never doubt the God ordained call that we received. Satan will never be able to take it away from us. We have the victory in Jesus Christ and our lives will have satisfaction as we walk the path towards God. "An empty cross, an empty tomb, and a full life." That is what I have.

the start of something new

Different. I saw God in a different light the first time I walked into a youth service at Englewood Assembly of God. I saw that being a teenager didn't mean that I had to wait to grow up to make a difference for His kingdom. I saw people my age seeking the Lord with all their heart. That Friday night God was different and I was different.

The youth pastor, Pastor Josh, spoke of a generation rising up and proclaiming God's name, a generation that can turn a nation towards God. I never knew that I could be a part of such power. I realized what it meant to bear the image of God, to be an example to my peers. I know that I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for the encouragement and teachings of Pastor Josh. He has a heart for God and a burden for the youth of New Jersey. Him and his wife, Ms. Tiffany, have played such a major part in my walk with God and I love them.

Well, this morning it was announced to the church that Pastor Josh has sent in his letter of resignation. I already knew this because he had announced it at the end of youth service this past Friday. It's weird to grasp the fact that in a month's time they will no longer be a part of my church. I can't imagine a youth service without them. It's sad, but the change is inevitable. Who am I to stand against what God has planned?

Although it brings me sorrow to let them go, it's amazing how they are ministering to me even in their leaving. God has called them to minister to youth on a larger scale. They will be starting a school to equip ministers, artists, worshippers,etc. They are ready to take on the task to help raise up this generation, in this time, and in this state.

It would be so easy for them to say that they have something good and have spent six years ministering at my church. It would be very easy to stay where it's comfortable. They know that God has called them away from their comfort zone and wants them to rely on Him for all things. This new opportunity is completely different from anything they've ever done and they will be able to witness God carrying them through every step. God is faithful. I know that He will use Pastor Josh and Ms. Tiffany in mighty ways. They are amazing people and their love for the youth of New Jersey will penetrate many hearts.

As for the youth group, it is time for us to rise up and lead. Pastor Josh has spent six years equipping us for the job God knew we would have to undertake. We must pray for whomever God calls to take Pastor Josh's place, but in the mean time we need to put into practice what we have learned. As Pastor Josh would say, " You can't become spiritually constipated." We have sat in the pews every Friday night absorbing information and hearing the Word, but now is the time to be a doer of the Word.

I don't think my church will ever be the same. This is a drastic change for the youth ministery and I know that God is going to do something amazing. Although it's sad, I am super excited for what God has in store for me and my church in the future. It is not in our timing, but His and I can't wait to see the call God has for each and every one of us.